


The Kursed Krew Encounters a Vagineer

by ThatFrothingSpy



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Cussing, Freak Fortress 2 - Freeform, Funny, Gen, Humorous Ending, LMAO, Scary, Vagineer, damn spy watch your mouth, prank, tf2 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 17:49:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19469029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatFrothingSpy/pseuds/ThatFrothingSpy
Summary: On one cool night, Soldier takes Sniper and Spy out to some lonely streets to search for the rare BLK Vagineer. But when they play around too much they get more than they bargained for. Or do they?





	The Kursed Krew Encounters a Vagineer

**Author's Note:**

> Define: The Kursed Krew. 
> 
> What RED Team's Soldier, Engineer, Spy, and Sniper call themselves while they're off duty and out of the sight of the other teammates.
> 
> Define: PuppyFly.  
> https://www.deviantart.com/dellgotthemunchies/art/Meet-The-German-PuppyFly-794365929
> 
> Define: Lykoi Engineer.  
> https://www.deviantart.com/dellgotthemunchies/art/Meet-The-Lyoki-Engineer-793041048

Ahh, how the night was reign. EngiBats were fluttering about in the sky for fattening MediMoths aflight while Soldier Badgers rooted around for grubs and bugs to eat. This "peaceful" night would come to an end, though. A teal Four-Door Family Volksmedic Wagon with the words "The Kursed Krew" painted on both sides had pulled into the lonely public parking lot of DownTown Yuller City. Jane Doe at the driver's seat was snickering to himself of his devious reveal to Mundy and Spy. "Why in zhe 'ell did you bring us 'ere? It's damn freezing out." Spy complained. Mundy was too busy on his phone playing that "Heal Crush Saga" game. Spy could tell that Jane was about to say something, so to get Mundy off that game, he gave him a quick jank to his stomach with his elbow, making the Australian wheeze in pain. With that, Mundy listened. "Alright men. Tonight, we're gonna be looking for a rare BLK Vagineer!" Jane said. The Soldier was immediately met with "Fuck you!" and "Oh hell no!" and a few additional complaints. "Are yew kidd'n me? Do yew know wot th' hell those vajonya-faced fuckas can do to yeh?" Mundy replied. "I'll give you both 40 Ts if you do it." Jane pleaded. The two in the back seat couldn't argue with that bargain. Ts are the currency that the TF2 world used. Mundy and Spy bickered with Jane for a few, then they left the car and braced themselves.  
"It comes to my attention that zhe Engineer is missing. Care to tell us why, Jane?" Spy asked.  
"Oh, he's at home with a high fever."  
"Oh no.. I 'ope 'e's okay."  
With that, the three men were now offically out in 58 degree weather, Jane with a video camera and flashlight. "Where do we start?" Mundy asked. Jane suggested that they start west, as west was his favorite direction to go. The men had started walking away from the Volksmedic, saying what could be their last goodbyes to the Kursed Wagon as they liked to call it. They walked under the street lamps, with the orange rust-stained lights glazing over their clothes every now and then, as the lights were spread out beside the streets sporadically. Jane finally found the shortcut that led into the forest, but was stopped by weenie Frenchman Spy. "Don't go in zhere, you imbecile!" he screamed in a whisper.  
"It's a shortcut! It'll get us to-"  
"I don't care if it leads to goddamned Burger Heavy, I am not taking zhat way."  
"Stop being a weenie and come on! Look, Mundy's already complying!"  
"Zhe only reason he's going with you is because of zhe Ts you have. I'm going back to zhe fucking-"  
A rustling was heard in a suburb bush where Spy was just about to walk by. He screeched and twinkled his toes onto the shortcut with the other two. Jane chuckled as he watched a Lykoi Engineer come padding out from the bush to go back home with a fat but rotting fish from a knocked over garbage can. Spy felt safer as the dirt path kept close to the suburb, where he'd rather be walking. One thing he couldn't help but notice was how freshly made this path was. It just looked like a bunch of potting soil was laid out for them a few minutes ago. That upped his fear factor a little bit. People knowing that he was there before he was got him killed on his old fortress life. The Frenchman shuddered as his breath turned into a soft white puff out of his mouth. Mundy was ahead of the pack, but had crunched his foot on something on the ground. Jane flashed his light over at the noise as the light joined Mundy's face to realization as he had exclaimed and jumped a bit. He had stepped on a bunch of bird bones. Spy's eyes widened as he thought that was he was seeing was his fate ahead of him. Dismembered, dirty and left to be forgotten as weathering would take its place and turn him into a fossil. "Oh my god... zhis poor little bird..." Spy said as he knelt down to the bones. Mundy took a closer look at them and realized they weren't any bird's bones. "These are chicken bones..." he said. The two at the ground looked up at the Soldier, who just shrugged. He stifled a belch as he walked past them. Mundy and Spy exchanged glances as they knew now that something funky was up.  
After that, Mundy saw an empty field with an old abandoned shed with a large bonfire pile that hasn't been lit yet a ways from it. "Hey, Jane ya see that damn shed ova there?! Oi bet yeh that bitch is ova there." he said. Jane promised an additional ten Ts if he went over there to check it out. Mundy looked longingly at the site, then looked back. "Who's going with me?"  
"No one."  
"You chicken shit."  
The Australian said as he swung the little gate open, causing it to squeal and clang against the fence. He sighed as he walked down the pavement to this shed that already reeked of mildew and dead stuff. _He didn't say you have to go inside the shed at least._ He thought as he looked behind the shed. Nothing there. He now had to check over on the other side of the shed when Jane screamed, "Oh my god Mundy! Get out of there!" His eyes widened as he ran like fire back to Spy and Jane. He didn't even bother using the gate as he just jumped the fence. The Australian looked back only to hear from Jane, to his "confusion", that it was only a PuppyFly. Mundy gave his friend a disgruntled look as he smacked the Caucasian on the shoulder.  
A few minutes of walking, they finally reached the street they needed, in which the three were met with a curtain of vines to lift and reveal the scene of Downers Street. The trio had arrived at a walk away from a paved circle and a traffic cone in the middle of it. The street's stop sign was dirtied with graffiti and nasty vandalism. The road was a newly paved tar black with little sparkles glittering on it. The right was a railing that let sight-seers and landcapers to set view to a wonderful ocean and the big white moon marrying its reflection to the water. The three couldn't help but admire it for a few seconds. They snapped from the trance of nature as they walked to the circle. Mundy laughed to himself as he was going to lift the pack's spirit a bit. The Soldier filmed as the Australian made tire screeching sounds and ran around the cone like he was making a burnout. "So long, fuckas!" he shouted as he darted up the street without a care in mind. The other two laughed as they ran with him. How this brought nostalgia! When The Kursed Krew first met, they were all just between the age range of 9-12. The four would all meet at the playground to play Cops and Robbers and chase each other around until the street lights came on. In this world, there wasn't such a thing as being unsafe at the public playground. When they would return home, they would have an awesome night's sleep knowing that they would all do it again the next day. The train of nostalgia crashed when Mundy had stopped at Bloop Glen. They were all panting as their faces turned from happy to serious when they saw the look on Mundy's face. He slowly lifted a finger to a street light that shined upon a big garbage can. "Do yew see that person ova undaneath th' light?" he said in a soft voice. Jane could definitely see it, but he pretended not. "Somethin' ova there standin' behind that big garbage can unda th' fOCKIN' LIGHT! DID YEW SEE THAT?!" Mundy shouted as he saw the figure move. Spy got shook too. "Oh shit! I wanna go 'ome now... we cannot stay 'ere Jane!" Now with that, the trio jogged a little bit away from there. They stood right back on the circle on Downers street. "Is he coming, Jane?"  
"No I can't tell-"  
"Oi told yeh we shouldn't be out here.  
"I CAN'T SEE SHIT WITH THIS DAMN CAMERA-  
"Shut the fock op... oi can't see a damn thing throught he bloody bushes."  
A half a second and Spy screams, "OH FUCK, HERE HE COMES!" the other two look back to see that a Vagineer was making its way to them, and fast! All three of them ran as Mundy screamed while Jane was laughing. Why the hell is he laughing?! "HE'S COMING JANE! HE'S FUCKING COMING!" The pitch in Spy's voice became higher as he started to sound like a teenage boy being murdered. Spy and Jane had watched as Mundy had fallen and hit the ground with his hands as the Vagineer had caught him. He closed his eyes and screamed as the freak placed him on his back and snarled grossly. He flailed his arms around to try and get the Vagineer off him, but Spy had noticed that the Vagineer had started laughing. He angrily trudged over there and tugged on its head. Off came the mask hiding a laughing, green-eyed, chubby-cheeked man by the name of Dell Conagher. Spy scrunched his face and smacked the Texan with the mask. It was all just a prank. He knew there was something smelly going on as he gave a nasty look to the Soldier that was laying on the ground laughing his ass off. The Frenchman launched the ugly mask at the Caucasian. Mundy was still on the ground screaming. "Sniper, mon cheri! Please relax! It was just a prank!" the Frenchman said. The Australian stopped and panted with his eyes on the full moon and mouth agaped for a minute before screaming one more time. "You ASSHOLE!" The Australian screamed at the Americans. Dell just shook his booty at him as he picked up the mask off the road and chuckled. Jane sneezed. When The Kursed Krew had calmed down and made it back to the Kursed Wagon, Mundy and Spy nodded in agreement that they would get these two back as they buckled their seatbelts and rode off back to the house.


End file.
